Lately time has been my friend and sleep my enemy (the enemy I covet). My mind is running like clockwork, running so fast yet swirling with so, so much confusion. “Not now,” I tell myself each time, “how can I give up just like that?” I am getting increasingly brilliant at reassuring myself and my heart, and my mind, and I simply cannot give up now. Not now. I’m no longer a sputtering mess. I know what I’m doing, I know what I am fighting for.I know that He did not let all this happen, the way that it did, for no reason. You don’t see it but I do (you can’t). I have reason to hope - I have reason to believe that that the way things unfolded was a sign from Him, to tell me to fight on. Why do things have to be interpreted only in one way? I see other possibilities and I don’t think I’m going to let your only truth override the one I see.

The irony is that ever increasingly I am beginning to believe that shutting up and handling my own problems is for the best. Haha.