January 2012
2 posts
“You’ve gotta dance like there’s nobody watching,
Love like you’ll never be...”
– William W. Purkey
NYRs
December 2011
4 posts
1 tag
fail lessons from the media
“I know there are some things about yourself that you think you’d like to change, but you should know that there is some boy out there who is going to like you for everything you are, including those parts of you that even you don’t like — those are going to be the things he likes the most.”
Oh this is the kind of crap that the media has subtly made us believe. None of this is...
1 tag
The truth is
No one will ever love you for who you are
November 2011
18 posts
1 tag
forsaken
again and again, over and over demons that SCREAM IN MY FACE as if I cannot hear, as if I do not already know this. every inch shredded and I am bare.
Right now every ounce of strength has been drained. I want so badly to GIVE UP and just throw this shit away, let this vicious circular cycle of pain and self-loathing slide off my back the way they would if I were a stronger person. We all can...
2 tags
*fin
Take what you will, what you will And leave. Could you kill, could you kill me If the world was on fire and nothing was left but hope or desire And take all that I could bring forth, is this hell Or am I on the floor over-desperate? Hold hands streaming of blood again? And then take full weight of me Guard my dreams, figure this out, It’s me on my own. Helpless, hurting, hell Will...
1 tag
hollow
only true friends will understand enough to care and care enough to understand.
and the friendship we have? it is simply nowhere near that. i’m only realising it now. i’ve been giving this friendship so much time and it only makes me feel hollower and hollower each time i laugh and try so hard to fit in. hah. at the end of the day, i’m still invisible, i’ve made no impact...
1 tag
loved :)
what started off as a really despondent and horrible day turned out to be beautiful and I am going to sleep with happiness in my heart and love overflowing :) love for the people who put a smile on my face today because they cared, and that means so much to me. thank you, my wonderful friends. you may not know it, but you’ve given me hope to get through this difficult time. su witz jia...
1 tag
throb
when it’s dark and silent, when I’m curled up with my knees in my hands under the blanket, when all I hear is the sound of my heart beating in my chest - that is when I hate myself the most.
1 tag
thank you
to everyone who has made me feel somewhat alive this week: thank you.
sometimes, all I need is a distraction from the burden on my back. now, thinking is a chore and making choices is an impossibility.
1 tag
wrecked
I had another one of those emotionally-wrecking dreams where I wake up on the verge of tears, almost unable to breathe… this dream gave me a glimpse of what life would be like if I made that choice. And I know, I know I simply will not be able to go on living.
1 tag
waves
so my foundations are being violently shaken, i’m overwhelmed with confusion, overwhelmed by the weight of the choices before me and i’m afraid, because they are so inevitable, so unavoidable.
i want to hold on to faith. faith has been… almost everything that kept me going all of my life. and isn’t faith being certain of what we cannot see? isn’t the path to...
1 tag
October 2011
12 posts
“Never mind the darkness, we still can find a way. Nothing lasts forever, even...”
– November Rain
1 tag
ecclesiastes
“we never know what’s wrong without the pain”
and in the distance, a prophet proclaiming wearily “meaningless! meaningless. everything is meaningless.”
where did I go wrong? i can’t make this choice. to make this choice would be to render my life a crumbling edifice of fallen hopes. and pain
all I see is cruelty
1 tag
1 tag
surely this will be the reason why I will no...
My heart hates my brain and my brain hates my...
“I told Him there was only one thing I wanted to pray for and that wasn’t...”
– http://exclamationmarc.livejournal.com/
1 tag
belief
Lately time has been my friend and sleep my enemy (the enemy I covet). My mind is running like clockwork, running so fast yet swirling with so, so much confusion. “Not now,” I tell myself each time, “how can I give up just like that?” I am getting increasingly brilliant at reassuring myself and my heart, and my mind, and I simply cannot give up now. Not now. I’m no...
Close your eyes. A lover is standing too close to focus on. Leave me blurry and fall toward me with your entire body. Lie under the covers, pretending to sleep, while I’m in the other room. Imagine my legs crossed, my hair combed, the shine of my boots in the slatted light. I’m thinking My plant, his chair, the ashtray that we bought together. I’m thinking This is where we live. When we were...
I miss God. I miss the company of someone utterly loyal. I still don’t think of God as my betrayer. The servants of God, yes, but servants by their very nature betray. I miss God who was my friend. I don’t even know if God exists, but I do know that if God is your emotional role model, very few human relationships will match up to it. I have an idea that one day it might be possible, I...
1 tag
Longing
I want to sing I want to perform And I want to find a band to play prog rock/prog metal with
“You can’t sit here and wait for opportunities to find you. You have to create opportunities for yourself.”
September 2011
4 posts
“It’s funny how in God’s Word, He often turns what seems right and...”
– Jack Frost
August 2011
6 posts
1 tag
Fright
The possibility of it really happening scares me.
I’m trying so hard to believe. I mean, none of this is coincidence, right?
But what if.
What will I choose?
Who will I choose…?
It’s getting harder and harder to think or talk about this. I’m going to choke now.
July 2011
19 posts
1 tag
“Your past is just a story. And once you realise this, it has no power over you.”
– Chuck Palahniuk
“I want to be a great person even when I’m under pressure.”
1 tag
Truth
Sometimes the truth hurts.
Yet other times, the truth sets you free.
And finally it was the latter. Now I’m free. I feel lighter. The weight that sat on my shoulders for the past few weeks is finally… gone.